Letting go

I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to stress over little things. And yes, I am specifically talking about the division (that actually does seem to be getting better) in my church. I'll just lay it all out there on the line.

When an elder looked at me and very pointedly said, "We don't want you to fight these battles alone. Send them to us. Every time." I didn't really think much about it...until the next time it happened.

The next time I was approached about something, even though it was hard to hear, after I walked away, I realized that this was exactly what he was talking about. This was the chance to get it off my shoulders. They wanted the burden, as if they were trying to protect me from it. So I let them have it...I gave it up...

People who inadvertantly saw it or even Chad (since I shared it with him) will bring it up in reference. It used to really bug me, and I used to obsess over it...mulling it over, checking off the long list of should-have-said's, fretting, getting my feelings hurt....but not this time.

Giving that up was the most freeing experience! The yoke became easy. The burden light.

And the most amazing part is that even if the elders never approach the person, even if they never do anything about it...just hearing them say they were going to "go to battle" for me was enough, somehow. For now, at least.

I don't feel alone in it. That's huge.

Occasionally people from my inner circle will ask me if I have gotten any grief lately. That happened tonight. I just smiled and said, "Yeah, but I'm over it. I'm done. I am not going to allow myself to get in the middle of this anymore." And that was that.

It feels....oh, I don't know....healthy I guess. To quote my favorite Friends character, "And that, my friend, is what we call closure."