The first dream

Well, on Saturday night I had my first Dad Dream. Eh.

Here's what I remember.

I had been on the bus with students and we were all exiting to go back in to the school, which was not the school I currently work at. Nor was it Eastern, however Dad was sitting on a bench in the entry way with the girl who played Ruth in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers that I had seen Saturday night at Eastern....so I know why she was in the dream. When I walked in, I noticed him sitting in casual clothes, shorts, I think. He had shaved his beard. I begged him to do this for years! Finally in my dream, he had, but I said nothing about it. At least, I don't remember saying anything about it.

Across from my dad's bench where he sat next to "Ruth," sat my deceased Aunt Maxine. She died while I was in high school. My great-aunt had a navy blue box with green foam in it. That's all I could see at first glance. I heard her talk about how Dote (this is a lady who knew my other great Aunt Alta from Nebraska and took care of her and Uncle Lester, a jovial man who liked to flirt with the ladies - harmlessly, of course) had mailed this package to Dad and how it was all we had left from my mother. This is when I "remembered" in my dream that my mother had died. And of course, that made me feel horrible. I'm so glad that this part of the dream is NOT true!

Back to the dream...

Dad and Aunt Maxine sat talking, Dad all relaxed and leaned back with his arm on the back of the bench while Aunt Maxine sat prim and proper with her jaw cocked to her right side - a nervous habit I don't think I ever saw her NOT do. They were discussing what to do with the jewelry, which I had seen by then, and it was hideous and avadcado green shaped like insects - cartoonish insects - big ones.

After talking about who they could give these pieces to, including my cousins, friends of the family, and all kinds of acquaintences, they never mentioned me. I began to ask my dad questions. He sat in silence, staring straight ahead. I asked louder about the jewelry. No answer from either of them. I began to be frustrated and annoyed. No matter what I did or said, my dad would not speak to me.

I woke up angry. I laid there for a while recalling more of the dream's sequences and details, like you sometimes do when you wake up disoriented. The longer I laid there, the madder I became that he wouldn't talk to me. Then at the height of how angry I would become, I realized, he wasn't even alive in real life.

When I realized that his silence had made me mad and that he was dead - all over again - I came unglued. Even now it's hard to keep from tearing up. At the time, I wish I could call on Joseph to interpret my dream, but now I realize there is no real reason...I don't put a lot of faith in meaningful dreams - well, maybe only when it suits me...but this one did not.

I was such a mess that I could not stop crying all morning. I finally fell back to sleep...maybe the extra sleep is what I needed.